The Big Breakfast Adventure | Beth’s Cafe

(In case you missed how the Big Breakfast Adventure got started, you can read it  here:  How it all began)

Where to even start?  Today was technically the biggest Big Breakfast Adventure of them all:  eating the *World Famous* 12-egg omelette at Beth’s Cafe in Green Lake.  I was as ready as I could be.  I didn’t eat any dinner last night in preparation.  Then, at the eleventh hour (actually at 5:49 am), disaster struck.  My partner in 12-egg-behemoth crime text me to say that she couldn’t make it.  Chandler (the cat) wasn’t doing so good & needed a trip to the Cat ER.  Ugh, poor Chandler.  But wait…yikes.  I hoped I wouldn’t need a trip to the ER myself after downing this beastie breakfast on my tod.

Easy enough to find on the west side of Aurora Avenue just before it gets all one-way & complicated, there are two words that sum up Beth’s Cafe perfectly:  D I V E.  It is probably the gnarliest cafe in Seattle.  And:  I N S T I T U T I O N.  Beth’s has been serving up grub since 1954 & has won awards up the yin-yang.

  • World’s best places to Pig out (#3) – Travel Channel
  • Top 5 Big Breakfasts (#2) – Food Network
  • Man vs. Food (man lost) – Travel Channel
  • 101 Tastiest Places to Chowdown – Travel Channel
  • Best Greasy Spoon – Evening Magazine (for over 10 years in a row!)
  • Best Place to Cure a hangover – Seattle Magazone
  • Best late night dining – CitySearch
  • 1000 places to see before you die (USA & Canada Edition)
  • Top 10 Breakfasts in the USA – Epicurious.com
  • Best Greasy Spoon – Seattle Weekly
  • America Eats – The Learning Channel
  • … and lots more they forgot to list

Having entered the hallowed portals of the dichotomy that is Beth’s Cafe, I was greeted by a charming, jolly lady (listed on the check as Kelsey-Rabbit) & invited to sit anywhere I darned well pleased.  I would need a windowful of light if I had any chance of getting a good shot of The Beastie.

Beth’s menu is frankly gargantuan and far bigger in reality than it’s virtual version.  The omelettes are the first thing you see as you open it up & given that Joany had abandoned me to go on a date to the Cat ER with Chandler I was so relieved to see that Beth’s make a 6-egg omelette I nearly wept in gratitude.  When Kelsey-Rabbit came over & asked me what kind of toast I wanted I let her know that I wasn’t ready to die yet & that consequently I would have my omelette sans toast, please.  Since it seemed possible that my last decision in this life may well be what filling to have in my omelette I decided I should choose {very} carefully.  My initial thought was “Hey, if I am going to eat a 6-egg omelette I may as well just get The Triple Bypass (bacon, sausage, ham, double Swiss cheese & double American cheese) and be done with it.  Then I came to my senses & realized that the Makin’ Bacon (bacon, tomatoes, sour cream & Swiss cheese) would be the tastier way to go.

While I was waiting for the cook (it was his 40th birthday today – Happy Birthday, Cook!) to raid the chicken coop I busied myself with reading the rest of the menu.  Beth’s 12-egg omelettes are not the only thing they serve that will ensure your life expectancy is reduced by at least a couple of months.  How about The Six-Fiddy Shake: chocolate, peanut butter, brownies.  And yes, it’s $6.50.

I did exclaim quite loudly when my omelette appeared.  I can’t even imagine what size plate the 12-egger gets dished up on.  My 6-egger was only a smidgen smaller than the 8.5 x 11″ menu.

I wish now that I’d watched The Beastie being made.  By the time it got to me it was square.  I had never seen a square omelette before.  I imagine that the {40 year old today} cook made a huge circle of egginess on his grill then plopped all the fillings in the middle, finally folding all the sides in to make a spectacularly square neat parcel of artery-clogging goodness.  And, I have to say, it was a darn fine omelette.  Real eggs, delicious bacon, fresh tomatoes, ooey-gooey melty cheese & big dollops of sour cream.  The fillings were well spread through the omelette so I didn’t have to trek through yards of egg before getting to the good stuff.  I like that.

I hit a bit of a wall at about 4½ eggs.  Luckily there was art all over the walls to contemplate while my stomach was making room for the remaining 1½.

Then, just as I was about to man up & wade back onto my plate, a rather strange chick wearing very thick-rimmed white sunglasses & a bright blue knitted hat with what looked like gloves growing out of the top sat opposite me at the next table, smiled broadly and shrieked, “Hi!”  I was glad that she had someone with her.  And, most serendipitously she was quickly diverted by the sight of blank paper & crayons.  I just knew she’d be a colorer.

Yes, that omelette is 2 inches deep.  I ate every last morsel of it.  It was just the right thing to do.  I did not eat the hash browns.  I make absolutely no apology for that.

The End.

Beth

*SANE™, inSANE, SANEity – terms used in Jonathan Bailor’s books, The Smarter Science of Slim (out of print) and The Calorie Myth.

What does SANE mean? Click here.Want more scrumptious recipes? Click here to check out my SANE Cookbooks!

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